'My Wanderlust Decreases With Every Birthday'
Gillian Longworth McGuire on 20 years at the same Italian beach club, gelato boats, and amatriciana
Welcome to Wanderlust Salon, a monthly travel series about new places, new experiences, and new perspectives. Each month we meet up with a different guest to explore a corner of the globe that’s left a permanent mark on their heart.
I think of
as a sort of latter-day Julia Child, but in Italy instead of France. Friends call Gillian “the Source” for her deep bench of recommendations in Rome (where she was formerly a long-term resident), Venice, Capri, and Ponza, and her love for the country radiates from everything she creates. Gillian’s newsletter, , is a celebration of all Italy’s facets, from the everyday to the extraordinary. Her Instagram account looks like a location scouting reel for a Wes Anderson movie to be set on the canals of Venice.You would never know that Gillian wasn’t a lifelong Italophile who had traveled to Lake Como as a child, studied painting in Florence, or made a pilgrimage as a divorcée in search of la dolce vita, à la Eat, Pray, Love—but that is exactly what drew me to her.
“For me Italy was just another place that my husband’s job took us,” she tells me. Gillian lived in London and all over Africa, picking up and moving wherever her husband’s career required, before finally settling in Rome nearly twenty years ago. Now she lives in Venice, where she keeps busy restoring a centuries-old house and lounging on the beach on the isle of Lido.
This international lifestyle in someone else’s wake is something Gillian and I have in common, and while it can sound very glamorous, we have often exchanged thoughts on the less-than-glamorous aspects of being a “trailing spouse.” I still think about a comment she once made about how people used to walk away from her at cocktail parties when they realized she was “just the wife.” It’s a common attitude in expat circles; people see spouses as followers, and some take it as an opportunity to make us feel small.
But if those people had bothered to speak to Gillian, they’d have seen that she isn’t a follower at all. Quite the contrary. When faced with a life trailing after someone else, Gillian chose to fearlessly carve out her own space, becoming an independent expert on all things Italy and turning that knowledge into a thriving creative practice. She even does itinerary consulting to help travelers plan the ultimate Italy trip—she gave me the most amazing recommendations for my recent stay in Rome, and helped me find hidden treasures I never would have stumbled upon myself (I can confirm that Gillian really does know best!).
This whole-hearted embrace of her circumstances has led Gillian to experiences that are the stuff of dreams. “I have been to balls in palaces and watched fireworks at midnight from a gondola in front of Piazza San Marco,” she says. “I have opened the doors of the Sistine Chapel and jumped off boats into deep cold emerald water. I kind of can’t believe my luck.”
I think perhaps Gillian made her own luck.
Read on for more of Gillian’s charming tales of life in Italy.
Thank you so much for being here, Gillian! Tell us about your personal connection to Italy. You lived in Rome for many years, but have just recently moved to Venice—how much time have you spent in Italy, and why?
My story is a little bit different than most people who move to Italy. I didn’t have Italian grandparents, My father was British, my grandfather was Slovakian. I didn’t fall in love with an Italian, my husband is from South Dakota. I wasn’t even an Italophile beyond I liked the films Room with a View and Cinema Paradiso in college. I studied abroad in London and lived in Francophone Africa for years. For me Italy was just another place that my husband’s job took us. After eight years in Zimbabwe working for the Food & Agriculture organization he was transferred to headquarters in Rome. That was in 2006.
What is your favorite thing about Italy? What makes it unique? Tell us about the sights, smells, and tastes!
I love the sounds and rituals at the bar. Italian bars are open from early in the morning to late at night. They are the thing I miss the most when I am away from Italy. I love the clank of coffee cups and thwomp on the edge of the counter when the barista changes out the coffee grounds. I love the chorus of ciao bello and un cappuccino ben caldo e un caffè al vetro. I love standing at the bar in the morning dropping crumbs from my cornetto and meeting a pal in the early evening for a spritz and potato chips.
What is the most interesting or singular thing about Italian culture to you? Have you experienced any moments of significant culture shock in Italy?
There are So. Many. Rules. There are two really big ones that involve food. When you eat and what you eat. Lunch is at 1:00 and dinner is rarely before 8:00. There is an order to how you have a meal. You don’t have to have everything from antipasto to digestivo but you must respect the sequence. A caprese salad or prosciutto melon will come before your pasta but a green salad and vegetables will come afterwards. Coffee comes after and not with dessert. You don’t drink cappuccino with a meal. The other important rule is about what you wear and when you wear it. Italians dress by the calendar and not the weather. That means puffy jackets until May and no sandals until almost June and always having a scarf with you in case there is a breeze. And, you only wear flip flops and shorts at the beach.
What is something about Italy that those who haven’t been there might not expect? What do you want people to know about it?
This is changing but it can be difficult to get a good meal outside of the prescribed hours I just mentioned above. Many restaurants and shops still close in the middle of the day. Eating (and drinking) on the go is also something that doesn’t really happen here. In Rome you can get a slice of pizza al taglio and in Venice there is cichetti and no matter where you are gelato is always a good snack. Another important thing to know is how seasonal and regional Italian cuisine is. Don’t look for ragù alla bolognese in Naples or pizza in Venice. My advice is to go to a food market as soon as you arrive somewhere. Look at what is for sale there and then look for those things on restaurant menus. Ask what the local wines are, there will probably be grapes and varieties you have never heard of.
What’s the craziest/funniest/most touching thing to have happened to you in Italy?
I have had so many astonishing experiences here. I have been to balls in palaces and watched fireworks at midnight from a gondola in front of Piazza San Marco. I have opened the doors of the Sistine Chapel and jumped off boats into deep cold emerald water. I kind of can’t believe my luck. That said, the experience that means the most to me was those punishing silent months when we were all locked inside during the pandemic. From how the entire country collectively took care of each other to how the few of us in my building and on my street and in my neighborhood took care of each other. We had a large communal terrace that had always been a disputed space. There was one neighbor who made it difficult for any of us to use it. That all changed when it was the only place where we could be outside. Each evening we would meet our next-door and downstairs neighbors at tables that we set up far away from each other and have a glass of wine together. We planned a communal Easter lunch that lasted until it was dark out. We had baked lemon pasta from the local pasta maker, wine from the enoteca downstairs and a giant egg made of dark raw chocolate from the shop down the street. We stayed up well past curfew sharing recipes and playlists. It was the strangest most special time.
What are your favorite Italian foods and why? Are there any dishes that bring back special memories?
Amatriciana is my favorite pasta. It is one of the Roman classics. It is bold and straightforward, reflecting the place it comes from. It is not something that Venetians make or eat. I have a refrigerator drawer here in Venice dedicated to the ingredients; guanciale from Amatrice, the town in Lazio where the dish originates and wedges of Pecorino Romano.
If I had 24 hours in Italy and travel time wasn’t a factor, how would you tell me to spend it?
Of course it would be food focused. I would have breakfast in Rome, a proper cappuccino senza schiuma and a maritozzo, a soft unsweetened bun stuffed with whipped cream. I would go see a Caravaggio or two and spend a few minutes in the Pantheon. Then I would have lunch on a boat anchored off Zannone with a few swims in-between the mozzarella and the pasta and a gelato from the gelato boat (literally a boat filled with gelato and an espresso machine that zooms around all the other boats and sells gelato and coffee!). Dinner would be on one of the lagoon islands in a garden under a canopy of jasmine and fairy lights with bottles of natural Soave. The night would end with a moonlit boat ride through the lagoon and a midwalk walk home through an empty Piazza San Marco.
What’s your favorite way to stoke your wanderlust without leaving home?
My wanderlust decreases with every birthday. When I was younger there was so much of the world I wanted to see. I had maps taped into notebooks where I kept track of where I had been and where I wanted to go next. Now I am more interested in deeper relationships and experiences. We return to the same few places year after year after year. So much of my everyday life and work is being the Decider. When I am traveling I love not doing weeks of research and planning but just knowing what to do and where to go. That said, it is a cliché but Instagram is a great place to learn about new places, from people who live in those places. I love watching my pals (both real and parasocial) who live in Paris and England and Los Angeles share their lives there.
Do you make efforts to travel ‘ethically’? What does that mean to you?
This is something that living in Italy makes pretty easy. Trains are cheap (if you can plan ahead there are amazing deals) and easy. For example Rome and Venice are only four hours apart. With just a little bit of research and effort you can spend your time and money in places that are locally and family owned. You can eat and buy things that are made and grown in the place you are visiting.
What does feeling a ‘kinship with new cultures’ mean to you? Is this something you’re after?
I say all the time, I (still) can’t conjugate essere or andare properly but ask me about some obscure pop culture or modern history reference and I can probably tell you all about it. I will never be Italian. I will never be Roman or Venetian. That’s fine with me, but I do want to understand what is important to them and try my best to assimilate. Every February I stay up late watching San Remo and learning all of the songs, we have been going to the same beach club for almost 20 years, I light my candles at Salute and Redentore and travel to Ponza every June to celebrate the island patron saint of San Silverio. I eat deep fried fiori di zucca before my pizza in Rome and never get lost in Venice. The surest sign that I have adapted to the Italian way of life? It’s not about the accepted time of day for a cappuccino or that I know someone who knows someone at the Questura (immigration office). I never, ever, leave the house without a scarf. You never know if there is going to be a dangerous draft.
Thank you so much for joining me, Gillian! Subscribe to Gillian Knows Best for tips on where to find the best pizza in Rome, how to spend winter in Sicily, navigating Venice’s sestieri, and more.
In case you missed it…
Last week, I rolled out my summer batch of paid Caravaner’s Companion travel guides—and as a special gift to you, the guide to Athens and Hydra is free! I also published a piece on why you shouldn’t try to travel like a local, and a personal essay about dealing with grief while roadtripping through Cyprus.
Up next…
I’ll have a new essay out for paid subscribers next Thursday. I’m taking Thursday, July 4th off to enjoy the holiday with friends and family, but I’ll be back the following week with more essays and interviews.
Reader, I’m curious…
Do you find your wanderlust decreases as you age? What unbreakable food rules exist in your culture? Have you ever come to a place by happenstance and fallen in love with it?
Could not feel more identified with her quote about wanderlust decreasing with age. When I first moved to Europe I tried to visit one new country per month, but lately I am hard-pressed to leave Spain at all. There's a culture here of everyone vacationing in the same beach town every year, so you coincide with the same groups and get to have those deeper meaningful connections. And it's so much less stress not have to investigate places to eat, how to get where, etc.
This is so lovely. Thank you for your kind words & observations about this topsy-turvey life