You had me with the title. And then came your fantastic essay. Congratulations on making this decision! I can relate to your choices and am cheering you on. Looking forward to many more wonderful stories from you.
While it may seem odd given my rambling ways, everything you write here about being a winner and making decisions around writing (or rather not) because of society about what that means resonates. I have only just recently also had my moment of turning fully toward the thing I’ve wanted to do since I was scribbling stories into notebooks in my childhood home. I’m clearly in good company here.
Congratulations on this powerful affirming decision. Looking forward to reading whatever comes next.
And keep me in mind for an interview series on rambling (if there comes a time it seems a good fit).
Sam, this is absolutely stunning, and I'm so here for the new direction of your newsletter. You don't have to be just the traveling spouse, you can also still use your expertise to unpack the geopolitical and cultural nature of it all, and even how we can avoid war. The choice was never either/or. It was both.
As for the rest, I can't help but wonder if it's capitalism that's the problem or rather the fact that we used to go without it. There can be no doubt that before we had an economy, women were stuck in their marriages and completely destitute if something happened to their husbands. I think there's some remnant of that fear that (perhaps appropriately) lives on in us. As the lower paid writer in my family too, I still long to contribute to our household financially just as much, and to know that I would be ok if something ever happened to my husband. The fact that there *is* something we can do about that now, that we can go out and get money and power and be ok, is a good thing. But it also makes us feel like we have to. (Even if we don't need to right now).
Thank you so much for your comment, Elle! There are so many layers to this and what you’re touching on is absolutely one of them. It’s always been important to me to be self-sufficient, and it’s terrifying to think of something happening to my husband and having to figure out a way to support myself alone, even if I know that it would end up OK. I think another side of that coin was a false belief that leaving a successful career was somehow an anti-feminist choice—women who came before me didn’t always get to fully participate in the workforce and fought hard so I would be able to, so I should exercise my right to participate, right? My logical brain knows these fears and beliefs shouldn’t decide my future, but my lizard brain is still catching up!
I so feel that too. Like I'm making an anti-feminist choice. I would honestly love it if my husband wanted to just be a house husband and we could live off my income. And we could in some parts of the world! But he likes his career and I like mine and neither of us care that one makes more than the other 😆 It's weird that we still have that feeling in the back of our minds like, but we could do more. (Probably because that's always an option for us if we want it.... )
Congratulations on your decision to be true to yourself. All of your life experiences will be combined now and put to good use as you pursue the desires of your heart.
Good luck, Samantha! Your story resonated with me at many points (not least the experience of living in Cairo, Mexico City). I look forward to your future essays.
Wonderful essay. So much of it resonated with me. I also wrote a novel in second grade ("Mimi's Secret Other Life"). I also left a big job to fool around. I also left the U.S. (for Sweden) and write about expat-adjacent stuff. My life is much better than it was in the U.S. because I changed so many things to suit myself. Apparently, that's how this works... who knew? I'm very much looking forward to seeing more of your work. PS Did your job involve UFOs? If so, do tell.
Thank you so much, Laura! So glad you found me and that this resonated. Sadly, my job did not involve UFOs. There is a whole DoD task force on Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAPs--mostly weird things pilots have seen in-flight), but I had no interaction with it. Maybe you're aware that there has been a lot of public discussion lately on whether the Pentagon is hiding aliens or UFO technology...personally, I think the idea that the U.S. government could hide such a splashy secret so well for so long stretches credulity!
Interesting! I went to school with a UFO researcher named Leslie Kean and she gave a talk last year on UAPs to alumnae. Fascinating stuff. She said there are sightings ALL THE TIME. No Navy pilot has any doubt at all that we are not alone. And! According to a documentary I just watched about UAPs in the Hudson Valley, the aliens are after people with Rh-negative blood. That's me, so this has raised a whole new set of problems... Anyway, good to meet you!
Changing one’s environment can unravel things that were never solid. Congratulations on freedom for your work cage. It definitely does not mean you are a loser; it means that young girl’s delineation of winners/losers was not accurate - it was within the parameters she understood then. You are fully allowed to rewrite who is winning and if there even such a category at all! Look forward to journeying with you.
"Changing one’s environment can unravel things that were never solid."
I love this, Shaista. It's so true that a change in scenery (or maybe removing ourselves from an environment we didn't realize was toxic, because it was all we knew) can give us clarity. So glad to have you here!
I couldn’t really absorb anything after reading your list of jobs — those are all really hard tables to gain a seat at — how were you able to experience one after another? That’s what I’m dying to hear first.
Hi Michelle! This is such a good question…this answer may be more than you bargained for, but here goes:
Most of my jobs were just the gigs that presented themselves easily rather than things I strove for, because I never felt that strongly about what I should do next. Both my jobs in fashion journalism were internships, one in a small-ish shop, the next at Condé Nast (one of my former bosses had moved there). After college, I became a paralegal at a big NYC law firm through a connection a classmate had…I was testing the waters thinking I was good with words so maybe I could be a lawyer, but the associates I worked for didn’t seem all that happy and the hours were inhumane. I got the DC think tank job through a friend who already worked there—they were looking for people to run speaker events, and I figured that by listening in to those events I could quickly learn a bit about a wide range range of issues and decide where to go from there. That led to grad school, which led to an internship in the Office of the Secretary of Defense, then to my full-time job there.
The first three jobs offered some prestige, but I wouldn’t say any of them were particularly difficult. My job in the Office of the Secretary of Defense was the most intellectually challenging by far, so trying to balance it with writing was really exhausting.
Thank you for sharing your journey and recent choices Sam. I have been on the edge of that decision so many times in my life, trying to navigate between my desire to write and the need to make money in a capitalist world system.
Working in international development for twenty years and also freelancing for some of that, has allowed me to indulge the traveller, living in places I never even imagined travelling to, and to take time off to explore the more creative sides of me, but I have also simultaneously had to be an expert adviser and competent in day jobs and sit in meetings like the one you describe.
I have at different points in this journey taken different decisions to honour my inner artist and other times to honour my desire to do well in my career. I see them both as valuable and I feel grateful to have been able to find different ways to explore these big questions. I don't think there is any answer, we need to follow what is right at a time and allow ourselves grace to make a new decision further down the line.
Oh and I also lived in Cairo in 2012 - and am now back in the Middle East again. In Cairo, I explored working as a writer full-time but ultimately went back to a full-time role in the charity sector in another continent. But that is another story :)
Catriona, I think it’s awesome that you’ve been able to find some balance between your inner artist, traveler, and development worker. We contain multitudes! And couldn’t agree more with your point about taking decisions one at a time and giving ourselves room to change course—the right decision one day might no longer be right the next, and that’s okay.
Cairo must have been such a fascinating place to be in 2012. I’d love to hear more about that sometime. And since we’re in the same part of the world, please feel free to look me up if you’re ever in Amman!
Hey Samantha - thanks for this great reply. Yes Cairo was fascinating in 2012 - a changing place - it was very bohemian - but I guess the point of change is that it doesn't stay the same and Egypt showed us all that quite dramatically.
What a lovely offer = if I pass by Amman - I will let you know. I have heard it is great and never been. I am in Dubai right now - so equally - do let me know if you come by here.
You've reminded me of a co-op work term I did in third year uni at a mid-sized, local tech company where the hierarchy was so bad and the treatment of the co-op students so atrocious that about 3 weeks in, I literally felt sick to my stomach every day when I woke up and dreaded the whole day. It was a four month work term and I stuck it out but I was absolutely miserable. Nothing is worth that. I'm so glad you're out, and I'm so excited to read the amazing writing I know is coming. Especially interested in the "how you dress as a Westerner in a religiously conservative country".
You had me with the title. And then came your fantastic essay. Congratulations on making this decision! I can relate to your choices and am cheering you on. Looking forward to many more wonderful stories from you.
Thank you so much, Claire! I’m really looking forward to this next chapter (and sharing more)!
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
—T.S. Eliot, from “Little Gidding
Lovely!
As I fellow DC government gal…I appreciate this piece!
It’s rough out there in DC! Glad this resonated ❤️
Sam! I’m with Claire. You had me at the title.
While it may seem odd given my rambling ways, everything you write here about being a winner and making decisions around writing (or rather not) because of society about what that means resonates. I have only just recently also had my moment of turning fully toward the thing I’ve wanted to do since I was scribbling stories into notebooks in my childhood home. I’m clearly in good company here.
Congratulations on this powerful affirming decision. Looking forward to reading whatever comes next.
And keep me in mind for an interview series on rambling (if there comes a time it seems a good fit).
So glad to hear this resonates, Holly! Would love to talk about collaboration sometime 👀
Oh what joy! I reached this place a little after we conceived. You will truly be better for it all. #growthmindset
Looking forward to your fashion choices piece in Jordan and your Mexican travel guide
☺️ thank you for the kind words!
I love that you now do what you love! I look forward to future stories.
☺️ I kind of can’t believe my luck!
Sam, this is absolutely stunning, and I'm so here for the new direction of your newsletter. You don't have to be just the traveling spouse, you can also still use your expertise to unpack the geopolitical and cultural nature of it all, and even how we can avoid war. The choice was never either/or. It was both.
As for the rest, I can't help but wonder if it's capitalism that's the problem or rather the fact that we used to go without it. There can be no doubt that before we had an economy, women were stuck in their marriages and completely destitute if something happened to their husbands. I think there's some remnant of that fear that (perhaps appropriately) lives on in us. As the lower paid writer in my family too, I still long to contribute to our household financially just as much, and to know that I would be ok if something ever happened to my husband. The fact that there *is* something we can do about that now, that we can go out and get money and power and be ok, is a good thing. But it also makes us feel like we have to. (Even if we don't need to right now).
Thank you so much for your comment, Elle! There are so many layers to this and what you’re touching on is absolutely one of them. It’s always been important to me to be self-sufficient, and it’s terrifying to think of something happening to my husband and having to figure out a way to support myself alone, even if I know that it would end up OK. I think another side of that coin was a false belief that leaving a successful career was somehow an anti-feminist choice—women who came before me didn’t always get to fully participate in the workforce and fought hard so I would be able to, so I should exercise my right to participate, right? My logical brain knows these fears and beliefs shouldn’t decide my future, but my lizard brain is still catching up!
I so feel that too. Like I'm making an anti-feminist choice. I would honestly love it if my husband wanted to just be a house husband and we could live off my income. And we could in some parts of the world! But he likes his career and I like mine and neither of us care that one makes more than the other 😆 It's weird that we still have that feeling in the back of our minds like, but we could do more. (Probably because that's always an option for us if we want it.... )
Congratulations on your decision to be true to yourself. All of your life experiences will be combined now and put to good use as you pursue the desires of your heart.
Thank you for this sweet comment, Lois--that's the hope! ❤️
Good luck, Samantha! Your story resonated with me at many points (not least the experience of living in Cairo, Mexico City). I look forward to your future essays.
Thank you so much, Jeffrey--glad to have you here! And I love the sound of your newsletter. I just subscribed and am looking forward to more.
Thank you, Samantha! I think there are one or two parallels in terms of the subject matter of our essays. Or at least the locations.
Yes, I noticed the same! And perhaps we’ll uncover more!
I’ll happily devour your writing!
😊 please do! Thanks for reading!
Wonderful essay. So much of it resonated with me. I also wrote a novel in second grade ("Mimi's Secret Other Life"). I also left a big job to fool around. I also left the U.S. (for Sweden) and write about expat-adjacent stuff. My life is much better than it was in the U.S. because I changed so many things to suit myself. Apparently, that's how this works... who knew? I'm very much looking forward to seeing more of your work. PS Did your job involve UFOs? If so, do tell.
Thank you so much, Laura! So glad you found me and that this resonated. Sadly, my job did not involve UFOs. There is a whole DoD task force on Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAPs--mostly weird things pilots have seen in-flight), but I had no interaction with it. Maybe you're aware that there has been a lot of public discussion lately on whether the Pentagon is hiding aliens or UFO technology...personally, I think the idea that the U.S. government could hide such a splashy secret so well for so long stretches credulity!
Interesting! I went to school with a UFO researcher named Leslie Kean and she gave a talk last year on UAPs to alumnae. Fascinating stuff. She said there are sightings ALL THE TIME. No Navy pilot has any doubt at all that we are not alone. And! According to a documentary I just watched about UAPs in the Hudson Valley, the aliens are after people with Rh-negative blood. That's me, so this has raised a whole new set of problems... Anyway, good to meet you!
Changing one’s environment can unravel things that were never solid. Congratulations on freedom for your work cage. It definitely does not mean you are a loser; it means that young girl’s delineation of winners/losers was not accurate - it was within the parameters she understood then. You are fully allowed to rewrite who is winning and if there even such a category at all! Look forward to journeying with you.
"Changing one’s environment can unravel things that were never solid."
I love this, Shaista. It's so true that a change in scenery (or maybe removing ourselves from an environment we didn't realize was toxic, because it was all we knew) can give us clarity. So glad to have you here!
I couldn’t really absorb anything after reading your list of jobs — those are all really hard tables to gain a seat at — how were you able to experience one after another? That’s what I’m dying to hear first.
Hi Michelle! This is such a good question…this answer may be more than you bargained for, but here goes:
Most of my jobs were just the gigs that presented themselves easily rather than things I strove for, because I never felt that strongly about what I should do next. Both my jobs in fashion journalism were internships, one in a small-ish shop, the next at Condé Nast (one of my former bosses had moved there). After college, I became a paralegal at a big NYC law firm through a connection a classmate had…I was testing the waters thinking I was good with words so maybe I could be a lawyer, but the associates I worked for didn’t seem all that happy and the hours were inhumane. I got the DC think tank job through a friend who already worked there—they were looking for people to run speaker events, and I figured that by listening in to those events I could quickly learn a bit about a wide range range of issues and decide where to go from there. That led to grad school, which led to an internship in the Office of the Secretary of Defense, then to my full-time job there.
The first three jobs offered some prestige, but I wouldn’t say any of them were particularly difficult. My job in the Office of the Secretary of Defense was the most intellectually challenging by far, so trying to balance it with writing was really exhausting.
Thank you for sharing your journey and recent choices Sam. I have been on the edge of that decision so many times in my life, trying to navigate between my desire to write and the need to make money in a capitalist world system.
Working in international development for twenty years and also freelancing for some of that, has allowed me to indulge the traveller, living in places I never even imagined travelling to, and to take time off to explore the more creative sides of me, but I have also simultaneously had to be an expert adviser and competent in day jobs and sit in meetings like the one you describe.
I have at different points in this journey taken different decisions to honour my inner artist and other times to honour my desire to do well in my career. I see them both as valuable and I feel grateful to have been able to find different ways to explore these big questions. I don't think there is any answer, we need to follow what is right at a time and allow ourselves grace to make a new decision further down the line.
Oh and I also lived in Cairo in 2012 - and am now back in the Middle East again. In Cairo, I explored working as a writer full-time but ultimately went back to a full-time role in the charity sector in another continent. But that is another story :)
Catriona, I think it’s awesome that you’ve been able to find some balance between your inner artist, traveler, and development worker. We contain multitudes! And couldn’t agree more with your point about taking decisions one at a time and giving ourselves room to change course—the right decision one day might no longer be right the next, and that’s okay.
Cairo must have been such a fascinating place to be in 2012. I’d love to hear more about that sometime. And since we’re in the same part of the world, please feel free to look me up if you’re ever in Amman!
Hey Samantha - thanks for this great reply. Yes Cairo was fascinating in 2012 - a changing place - it was very bohemian - but I guess the point of change is that it doesn't stay the same and Egypt showed us all that quite dramatically.
What a lovely offer = if I pass by Amman - I will let you know. I have heard it is great and never been. I am in Dubai right now - so equally - do let me know if you come by here.
You've reminded me of a co-op work term I did in third year uni at a mid-sized, local tech company where the hierarchy was so bad and the treatment of the co-op students so atrocious that about 3 weeks in, I literally felt sick to my stomach every day when I woke up and dreaded the whole day. It was a four month work term and I stuck it out but I was absolutely miserable. Nothing is worth that. I'm so glad you're out, and I'm so excited to read the amazing writing I know is coming. Especially interested in the "how you dress as a Westerner in a religiously conservative country".
☹️ I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that! So many workplaces just lack humanity.
I am super excited to write that one and will be really curious to hear what you think! Hopefully it will generate good conversation!
Great! Looking forward to more!
Glad to have you on this journey with me! ❤️