I'm currently caught in the same liminal space between travel and home, and feel so much of what you describe here. Have been in the UK for about 4 weeks now, with two weeks left to run, before heading back to Europe. As much as it is lovely to see family and friends, it is weird not to have your own space when you're so used to having it. Living in your Mum's house (or girlfriend's parents') with no proper address of your own feels something akin to failure, even though it was my choice, and the result of something as boring as visa restrictions (looking at you, Brexit!). Then you feel a bit guilty for feeling this way at all, rather than just being grateful for the hospitality and chance to spend time with loved ones, but at the same time kind of look forward to getting back to life proper. Feels like your existence is on ice for this period, doesn't it?
Can’t decide if this quote is profoundly sad or sadly profound:
“After months of invading the spaces of others—of tiptoeing around in the early mornings and asking permission to do my laundry—I’ve come to believe that home isn’t where your heart is, it’s where your stuff is. “
I experienced home leave in the dark ages, before the Internet was much of a thing. I was also young and single. For me, the hardest part was that with each post, I added dimensions to myself. My Foreign Service friends understood that, but my family and other friends did not. The only two things I remember appreciating/missing, which were not available internationally were NPR and frozen yogurt. The world is so much more connected now and you can get almost anything almost anywhere. And yes, as you point out, life in the US has gotten frenzied. One of the most appealing aspects of international living is finding places and cultures where the pace of life is slower. Good luck with your move!
Always adore your writing, Sam. You put into words what’s so hard to say, the feeling that you can’t really go home again after a certain point, especially when you’ve been away for a long time; you carry home with you, make a nest wherever you land, and that becomes home. Can’t wait to hear about your next one!
It's fascinating to read the take of someone living outside the US, but in a totally different fashion from us. To some folks it must seem like we're constantly living in a liminal space, but it never feels that way. I'm currently sitting in our Airbnb looking out at the ocean and this weirdly feels like home even though we've only been here ten days. Then again, I almost feel that way after just a day or two. Maybe it's because we own more stuff than we can carry?
Yes! At age 55 I and my spouse are living with his parents. He’s on leave and we honestly don’t know where we want to live. Most of our stuff is in storage and I miss my things... my mugs, my jewelry, my junk drawer, etc.
I have a mountain of laundry to do today because I worry about interrupting my mother in law’s laundry routine.
But I love the moments we are sharing with them, right now I am sitting in the kitchen watching her make a cabbage casserole that she hasn’t made in years. Her vision is poor and she has dementia so I can help her if she needs it. ❤️
I LOVED this Sam. London sounds a lot like Washington in ridiculously long waits for things and very little proper relaxing time. Everything seems go go go fairly constantly!
I hope Jordan feels like home for you - I'm really excited to read what you write about it!
Thank you for so eloquently capturing what many of us Americans who live abroad feel when we come back home – right down to “my mom seems more attached to her dog than me!” (Been there)
I was in the States in November and I struggled with trying to stay grateful for the ability to spend time with love ones while also just wanting to be HOME with my space, my stuff, and my rules. I felt so out of touch with the US, too, like I could live anywhere in the world but not there.
I’ve loved your writing from Egypt and I wish you the best of luck with your move to Jordan!
Samantha, I adored this and it made me feel seen, cackle aloud because I have been you in the ramen restaurant, and totally relate to that conversation at parties now. I'm Australian and conscious that I can't situate with American culture having had no firsthand experience of it, however I feel the same now going home to Australia. Countless things I can't put into words, countless moments where I realise that I only feel like myself now in a completely foreign life abroad where we're waiting to get our things shipped out, too. Somehow the stuff that fits into backpacks feels more like home than the family house or the supermarkets I can navigate with eyes closed two minutes before closing. Hang in there -- hoping there's some sweet pockets in the days left of Home Leave xx ps please send me a message if you're in Georgia later in the year! Can wholeheartedly recommend travelling here -- this train from Turkey to Georgia looks incredible! https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2023/sep/23/on-the-midnight-express-train-across-turkey
I'm currently caught in the same liminal space between travel and home, and feel so much of what you describe here. Have been in the UK for about 4 weeks now, with two weeks left to run, before heading back to Europe. As much as it is lovely to see family and friends, it is weird not to have your own space when you're so used to having it. Living in your Mum's house (or girlfriend's parents') with no proper address of your own feels something akin to failure, even though it was my choice, and the result of something as boring as visa restrictions (looking at you, Brexit!). Then you feel a bit guilty for feeling this way at all, rather than just being grateful for the hospitality and chance to spend time with loved ones, but at the same time kind of look forward to getting back to life proper. Feels like your existence is on ice for this period, doesn't it?
Can’t decide if this quote is profoundly sad or sadly profound:
“After months of invading the spaces of others—of tiptoeing around in the early mornings and asking permission to do my laundry—I’ve come to believe that home isn’t where your heart is, it’s where your stuff is. “
I experienced home leave in the dark ages, before the Internet was much of a thing. I was also young and single. For me, the hardest part was that with each post, I added dimensions to myself. My Foreign Service friends understood that, but my family and other friends did not. The only two things I remember appreciating/missing, which were not available internationally were NPR and frozen yogurt. The world is so much more connected now and you can get almost anything almost anywhere. And yes, as you point out, life in the US has gotten frenzied. One of the most appealing aspects of international living is finding places and cultures where the pace of life is slower. Good luck with your move!
What A pic! Love it! I’m trying to figure out where the camera and photographer were. Able to shed light? I assume so!
Thank you for the nice piece of writing, soon I will be in a similar situation, so I can feel your "struggle",
I understand the going back "home" but not feeling at home and don't know where you belong. Best of luck with Jordan!
This was a lovely piece of writing, Samantha. I understand how living abroad changes who you are and how difficult it can be to go home again.
There is a quote by Mary Anne Radmacher Hershey that I love: "I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.”
Living abroad does change us. But I am eternally grateful that I have had the opportunity to experience new people and cultures and stories.
Always adore your writing, Sam. You put into words what’s so hard to say, the feeling that you can’t really go home again after a certain point, especially when you’ve been away for a long time; you carry home with you, make a nest wherever you land, and that becomes home. Can’t wait to hear about your next one!
It's fascinating to read the take of someone living outside the US, but in a totally different fashion from us. To some folks it must seem like we're constantly living in a liminal space, but it never feels that way. I'm currently sitting in our Airbnb looking out at the ocean and this weirdly feels like home even though we've only been here ten days. Then again, I almost feel that way after just a day or two. Maybe it's because we own more stuff than we can carry?
My heart aches for you, caught in this liminal space.
Yes! At age 55 I and my spouse are living with his parents. He’s on leave and we honestly don’t know where we want to live. Most of our stuff is in storage and I miss my things... my mugs, my jewelry, my junk drawer, etc.
I have a mountain of laundry to do today because I worry about interrupting my mother in law’s laundry routine.
But I love the moments we are sharing with them, right now I am sitting in the kitchen watching her make a cabbage casserole that she hasn’t made in years. Her vision is poor and she has dementia so I can help her if she needs it. ❤️
Sam, this is a stunning post - I can relate in so many ways!
Sending love. Changes of location or circumstance are always hard work, but there are so many unexpected gifts along the way. All will be well.
I LOVED this Sam. London sounds a lot like Washington in ridiculously long waits for things and very little proper relaxing time. Everything seems go go go fairly constantly!
I hope Jordan feels like home for you - I'm really excited to read what you write about it!
Thank you for so eloquently capturing what many of us Americans who live abroad feel when we come back home – right down to “my mom seems more attached to her dog than me!” (Been there)
I was in the States in November and I struggled with trying to stay grateful for the ability to spend time with love ones while also just wanting to be HOME with my space, my stuff, and my rules. I felt so out of touch with the US, too, like I could live anywhere in the world but not there.
I’ve loved your writing from Egypt and I wish you the best of luck with your move to Jordan!
Samantha, I adored this and it made me feel seen, cackle aloud because I have been you in the ramen restaurant, and totally relate to that conversation at parties now. I'm Australian and conscious that I can't situate with American culture having had no firsthand experience of it, however I feel the same now going home to Australia. Countless things I can't put into words, countless moments where I realise that I only feel like myself now in a completely foreign life abroad where we're waiting to get our things shipped out, too. Somehow the stuff that fits into backpacks feels more like home than the family house or the supermarkets I can navigate with eyes closed two minutes before closing. Hang in there -- hoping there's some sweet pockets in the days left of Home Leave xx ps please send me a message if you're in Georgia later in the year! Can wholeheartedly recommend travelling here -- this train from Turkey to Georgia looks incredible! https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2023/sep/23/on-the-midnight-express-train-across-turkey