'Start Every Day With a Full English'

Tom Fish joins me to talk sarcasm, pubs, and lifelong friendship in his native England

St. James’ Park

Welcome to Wanderlust Salon, a monthly travel series about new places, new experiences, and new perspectives. Each month we meet up with a different guest to explore a corner of the globe that’s left a permanent mark on their heart.

And to all those celebrating: Ramadan Mubarak!

When I bump into a British person abroad, I can be pretty certain we’ll understand each other. Not because our shared language is English, but because of our mutual fluency in sarcasm. We appreciate the beauty of irony and snark. This, I believe, is the true reason for the “special relationship” between the U.S. and the UK—our irreverence and our refusal to take ourselves too seriously are what bind us together. It’s also why I find

Tom Fish

so damn funny.

Tom is the witty Brit behind Not That You Asked, a travel newsletter about awkward urinal encounters, disappointing celebrity sightings, and run-ins with bemused locals (like hunkering down and refusing to be rushed off his table by the withering looks of a scary Parisian waiter). Tom is usually off gallivanting abroad, but when he isn’t he lives in London, so it only makes sense that he chose England—the place he knows best—as the focus of this interview.

I’m glad he did. I knew we’d have plenty in common as a Yank and an Englishman, but in reading Tom’s answers, I found so many more similarities than I expected: our affinity for the ever-corny, always heartwarming Love Actually. Our sense that big city politeness—whether it’s in London or New York—means minding your own business on public transportation. Our unshakeable belief that breakfast must be respected, and how crestfallen we are when we can’t get a nice, big, greasy one while on the road. (Potentially controversial opinion: few cultures understand the most important meal of the day on the level we Americans and Brits do. Fight me in the comments. I am ready.)

Tom also articulated something I’ve always found to be true, but had never put to words: “[English people] tend to stick around in our own bubbles a little bit and can be slow to get going, but once you are friends with us we’re friends for life. It might mean that London or England can seem a bit distant or out of reach when you’re just passing through, but we’d really like it if you stuck around.” Beneath the cool surfaces of the English is an incredible warmth.

Though, I must say, Tom breaks that mold a bit—he’s been open-hearted and affable from the start. We may have never met in person, but Tom is not going to be rid of me any time soon. It’s a very special relationship indeed.

Read on for Tom’s rollicking takes on England (and check out my recent interview in his newsletter here)!

Thank you so much for joining me, Tom! First things first: where in England do you call home, and how did you come to be there?

I live in London. I’ve lived here for nearly 5 years now and, unlike some other northerners or other transplants from different parts of the country, I moved here because I like it. It’s a kind of tradition in the UK to ‘do London’ for a few years, usually in your twenties, but I just started visiting London for weekends or days while I lived in Leeds and found I really loved it. I’ve always been a lover of big cities and busy places, so I was probably always going to end up here sooner or later.

Photo courtesy of Tom Fish

What makes England unique? Tell us about the sights, smells, and tastes!

It rains all the bloody time here, but not properly. In England the rain falls as if it’s not quite sure about hitting the ground. It’s always drizzling, spitting, never getting on with it and getting it out of its system. And so everything is always a bit damp, apart from for about 2 weeks in July when everything dries out and the country goes into almost literal meltdown. For a country with weather that is usually so mundane and ordinary we really do spend most of the time talking about it, and we are almost to a fault entirely pessimistic about what’s over the horizon. Greeted with a sunny day we are likely to either say “well it’s meant to rain in a few days” or, more infuriatingly, “it’s actually a bit too hot for me.”

And so we spend a lot of time inside—it’s possibly why pubs are such a big part of our culture. So a unique smell is the inside of a pub that has a lot of damp punters and a carpet that would have qualified as chic in about 1897. In parts of England in a wet spring or autumn it’s hard to escape the feeling that everything is just a bit too moist. 

But on those rare days when the sun shines you’ll find most people flocking to a beer garden. There’s not many things I like doing more than clocking off work early, going to sit outside a pub and having a pint. The taste of beer isn’t a unique taste per se, but there’s something specifically English about having a pint at 4:30 on a Friday on the first truly warm day of the year. The fact that this situation is often accompanied by another typical English sight, that of a Bloke, a certain kind of Englishman, often red-cheeked and ruddy-faced and pissed as a fart, with his top off getting sunburnt and lairy, just adds to the whole sense of occasion. 

What is the best part of coming back to England after you’ve been away?

The sarcastic sense of humour. I don’t speak any other languages—and although I always have this on my to-do list, it isn’t something I’ve ever put huge amounts of effort into—so what I miss most abroad is being able to make little jokes with people. Maybe in response to something that’s happened or just when standing in a long old queue. But what’s great about the English is we also don’t need words to do this. We can say phrases like “get a load of this guy,” or, more likely, “if I have to keep standing in this queue for even five more minutes I’m going to scream” with just a look across at each other. We’re quite sarcastic and have banter with strangers too which I always enjoy. 

What do you find strange about English culture after spending so much time abroad? (For example, I find the stall doors in American public bathrooms completely baffling compared to European ones, which actually afford some privacy!)

We’re a bit of a pessimistic bunch. It’s actually something I noticed spending so much time around Americans while abroad. I know not every American is like this, but it was eye-opening how often, when you asked an American how an experience was or what something was like, it was amazing, incredible, out of this world. If you ask an Englishman the same question you’re likely to get one of two answers. The first: oh yeah it was alright, yeah, which means this experience was really quite good, actually. The second: it was shit, which means it was shit. Effusive praise isn’t our thing but we’ll happily outline when something isn’t up to scratch.

What is something about England that those who haven’t been there might not expect? What do you want people to know about it?

Despite what I’ve said just above, we’re a friendly bunch. I think we can sometimes come across as a curmudgeonly unfriendly lot, but if you get to know a few English people we’ll warm up and then you won’t be rid of us. Much is made about London being unfriendly, and how we don’t talk to each other on the Underground or in the street, to which I say: there are nine million people in London. If I said hello to everyone on the Underground I’d be hoarse by the time I got to work. We tend to stick around in our own bubbles a little bit and can be slow to get going, but once you are friends with us we’re friends for life. It might mean that London or England can seem a bit distant or out of reach when you’re just passing through, but we’d really like it if you stuck around. 

Photo courtesy of Tom Fish

What are your favorite English foods—especially ones you can’t easily find abroad—and why? Are there any dishes that bring back special memories?

A full English breakfast. If I could have one superpower it would be to be able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without getting full or it having any adverse effect on my health. This is mainly so I could start every day with a full English. A full English, for the uninitiated, contains some or all of the following: sausage, bacon, eggs, baked beans, hash browns, toast, fried tomatoes, mushrooms, and black (or blood) pudding. The best kind should be just a bit greasy and taste like most of it has been cooked in the same pan using the same oil and butter. It’s a woefully unhealthy dish but if you wake up with a sore head after too many pints of beer it’s the only way to get going again. The smart scientist may say otherwise but generations and generations of Englishmen can’t be wrong. 

You don’t generally get full English breakfasts abroad, naturally, and breakfast is the one meal I really think we have Europe beaten on. There is nothing—genuinely, nothing—more dispiriting than realising the nice hotel you’re staying in serves only a continental breakfast. Some sad little pastries and day-old fruit just won’t cut it. 

If I had never been to England, had 24 hours there, and travel time wasn’t a factor, how would you tell me to spend my day?

The countryside lovers are going to crucify me for this, as England really does have some of the best countryside in the world, but I’d spend it in London. This is not that surprising coming from me, but it does mean I’m ignoring my roots (I was born not far from the Peak District), I’m not saying don’t go to the Lake District, or the Scottish Highlands, but if I had 24 hours I’d stick to the capital.

So then I suppose we’re asking how I’d spend 24 hours in London. I’m going to assume you’re here in the summer, since anyone who visits London in January or February and would like to have a nice time is going to be really quite disappointed. And so I’d start this with a late breakfast or early lunch somewhere—it would have to be a full English of course. Then I’d suggest a walk on Hampstead Heath before strolling around Hampstead Village, celebrity spotting and shopping, to get our appetites back for the evening.

Then I’d suggest going to somewhere like Dishoom, if you fancy Indian food, or St. John if you fancy more traditional high quality cooking. It’s nose-to-tail cooking here and you’ll be served parts of the animal you might think are best left in the bin, so if you’re a vegetarian I might suggest Dishoom is better suited. 

After this you’ll be spending a nice long evening in a pub. My favourite in London is called the Rosemary Branch near Shoreditch—though don’t all of you turn up because I like it too much for it to be full every night of the week. Because you’ve got just one night you’ll be making up for lost time and having quite a few drinks, then stumbling back to a lovely hotel and waking up late. We’ll squeeze in another full English to soak up the excesses of the night before. 

When you’re traveling, is there a version of yourself that takes center stage? Who are you when you’re traveling that you're not when you’re at home?

I’m a fairly consistent person, but when I’m traveling I am much more likely to say, sure, let’s do it. My northernness means I can be a bit thrifty or tight with money, especially in London, but when abroad I’m much more likely to say, whatever, let’s spend that extra money on this experience or food. I don’t really like the phrase you only live once, but you do, so you might as well make the most of it. But I think that’s easier to remember when it’s sunny and you’re in Italy or Spain and you’ve had one or two glasses of sangria.

What’s your favorite way to stoke your wanderlust without leaving home?

Well this isn’t a hugely surprising answer since I’m a travel blogger, but I read about travel! Obviously there are great Substacks around travel, yours, Sam, as well as

Brent and Michael Are Going Places

,

M. E. Rothwell

’s Cosmographia, and Emily Dieckman’s

The Misadventurer

.

But I also read lots of travel books. Bill Bryson is one of my favourite writers and I absolutely adore his travel books. Then there’s Michael Palin (another great Englishman), Paul Theroux, Geoff Dyer. Even if I’m not reading a book that is specifically about travel, I always prefer something that is firmly set in a place, or where a place can take centre stage. 

Photo courtesy of Tom Fish

Do you make efforts to travel ‘ethically’? What does that mean to you?

I generally just try to not be an arsehole when I travel. It’s a good rule for life but it’s especially good when you’re a tourist. Don’t get in the way of local people, be respectful at sites such as cathedrals or cemeteries, and generally just try and take it all in without being a gawker. It’s not a perfect system, there are some places where by just being there you’re a pain in the arse, or contributing to somewhere’s decline or gentrification. But I think most places in the world want tourists who are nice people to come and see where and how they live. Just be interested and polite and they will be too. 

What are your favorite quintessentially English books and movies that readers should check out?

Oh this is great—I’ll split this into two categories: classic and more modern-day. If you want English, you can’t overlook Charles Dickens and Jane Austen. They’ll give you two very different versions of the England of a long time ago, so you’ll need both. 

And more modern? There’s one English film that always comes to mind here: Love Actually. It’s cheesy, corny, it hasn’t aged well at all, but every Christmas it’s the one film I always want to watch. Just please know that every Englishman would rather be Hugh Grant’s Prime Minister than Colin Frissell, even if Colin is a sex god. 

Thanks again for the laughs, Tom! Subscribe to Not That You Asked below for more sightseeing, sarcasm, and silliness.

In case you missed it:

In the past month, I wrote about little glimmers from my new life in Amman. Paid subscribers received essays on the nightmare that was shipping my street pup from Egypt to Jordan and the moral hazard of living abroad and representing a government whose policies I don’t always agree with.

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I’ll have a new essay for free subscribers out on the 28th. In the meantime, paid subscribers will get an exclusive personal essay and a series of guides to all my favorite spots in Portugal, Guatemala, and Egypt—please upgrade here if you’d like to come along. Your support means the world.

Reader, I’m curious…

Have you ever had a full English breakfast? How do you avoid being an arsehole when you’re visiting a place whose culture is different from your own? Are you more of a city or country dweller—and does that change when you travel?