You’re adorable in your coastal grandma attire! But I get it. When I moved to a small provincial village in Italy 15 years ago it was a different place. Even now, it’s often clear who’s a tourist by their shorts. Where you are, it’s clearly another level and I find it fascinating. Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you, Lolly! It’s interesting how even the subtlest clothing choices can signal things about our habits/origin/beliefs or mark us as “other.” I can often pick out European tourists in the U.S. by the brands they wear!
Yes, as an expat/immigrant, what signals us as other is a meaty topic over a weekend. For tourists, the brands too! Also that often tourist men wear baseball hats while they eat in restaurants. And many tourists are wearing clothes that are clearly brand new, seemingly purchased for the trip, and very white sneakers.
Thank you for expressing so clearly some worries and thoughts I have as well!
I want to be respectful and not stared at, yet I also don't want to be scared to offend without good reason.
When I was in Egypt in 2022, I found myself biking in shorts and T-shirt through a small village near Luxor. I was afraid locals would judge me or ignore me. But many women in hijab waved as enthusiastically to me as their kids—they saw a Western woman dressed very differently from them but that was apparently totally okay.
That’s really lovely, Claire. I think we often default to assuming that people with beliefs that are different from our own will either think we’re wrong for not holding their same beliefs or will want to impose their beliefs on us. But in reality that’s somewhat rare (at least in my experience).
What a complex and beautiful analysis. How amazing it is to discover the absolute sameness of our (apparent) opposites. Plus…you’re an impeccable writer. I’m so glad to be here!
That female guard acknowledging you made your day. It is a lesson to all of us to say something kind and supportive whenever we can, you don’t know who you are going to lift up a little. I too am fascinated with your life there in Amman, so exotic compared to my mid-Michigan existence!
So true! I used to be very guarded in my compliments, and I’m not even sure why? The older I get, the more I go around telling people they’re awesome and it feels good
Do keep us posted on royal ways and doings. The Jordanian royals are the only ones in the Middle East who've integrated into the social world of European royalty, by which I mean that they're invited to gatherings other than strictly diplomatic ones, ones at which the fantastically rich Gulf royals are never seen. The Hashemites operate at an interesting intersection that could be fruitful for your writing.
Will do! I’ve been thinking about doing a post on the royal family—I think they’re pretty exceptional statesmen that have managed to keep Jordan secure and stable despite being in a somewhat precarious political position. They don’t get enough credit for it.
They really don't, at least not in the West. My view is that contemporary Westerners have difficulty acknowledging that any kind of monarchical system can be effective or beneficial in any way.
What a great essay! I was looking forward to it all week and you didn't disappoint.
Your description of your clothes/look vs. those of the queen and the princess remind me of my ever-difficult challenge of where to find hijabi clothes that actually fit my style.
Middle Eastern fashion doesn't really suit me. It's either too loud or too formal or too colourful or too... something. I like neutral colours, not a lot of pattern, no chunky buttons, etc., which means I prefer to go shopping at any old store at the mall and hope they have my shirt dresses or wide legged pants, rather than buying my outdoor clothes at a "hijabi" store, where the clothes are generally not only hijabi in terms of what they cover but distinctly Middle Eastern in their style.
Of course, the average store at the mall will cause me all sorts of problems: I"ll find the perfect shirt-dress, but it'll have 3 quarter sleeves, or a wide front for cleavage. I'll find a skirt I love and then I'll see the slit all the way up to the thigh.
The only (sort of exception) to my hijabi clothing conundrum was Turkiye, where I bought 5 of the same long sleeved button down tunic to wear to the office and found a few other current wardrobe staples. Still, that took days of shopping because half of the other outfits were just too formal or shiny or whatever...
Before I say anything, I think its worth noting that I'm a man who has a different experience in terms of how I express myself. With that being said, I can understand both the Western view and the view of people in the Middle East as well. One of the reasons I'm attracted to cities such as London, Los Angeles or New York, is that when it comes to expression there is no pressure to conform to anything, people can where whatever they want (although there are some things that we do conform to such as not going outside naked).
With that being said it does feel like in recent years the conversation on self expression is not as narrow as it once was as different experiences across the world informs our view on the subject. Although the ugly stereotype of Muslim women in these countries being oppressed just because they wear a hijab or a niqab still seems to resurface from time to time. Hopefully we can be more understanding and respectful for people who have different ways of expressing themselves through their clothing.
I wish the young women in Iran had a choice about hijab. If I was a member of The Committee For Running The World, several things would change, all in the direction of personal choice and freedom.
I love your X-ray vision of people and events. You have an amazing ability to slice through and reveal the importance of the unexpected. “ The men and I exchanged curt nods. I expected the same as I approached the women—but then they broke into smiles. “All purple today,” one said. “I always love your outfits!”. It’s such special and revealing moments that I remember from my years in Riyadh in the 70’s.
When I was young and lived in Niamey I wore long flowy dresses and mostly covered my arms at work or when I was out in the market. At home I kept a stack of pareos by the door because I forgot once and opened to the gate wearing a tiny tank top and shorts to my sweet older jeweler who I worked with ( & he was called by the honorific, Hadji) and he was so uncomfortable it took me a minute to figure out what was wrong.
Italy is similar in many ways. There are quite strict "rules" about what is appropriate (even when you are walking the dog or taking out the trash) The term that is used is Bella Figura, which is sometimes translated as to make a good impression. I interpret it more as good manners (I am southern after all) it applies to both men and women and is not about modesty but about being pulled together in public. Like Lolly says it is immediately clear who is a tourist and who is Italian by how they are dressed.
You’re adorable in your coastal grandma attire! But I get it. When I moved to a small provincial village in Italy 15 years ago it was a different place. Even now, it’s often clear who’s a tourist by their shorts. Where you are, it’s clearly another level and I find it fascinating. Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you, Lolly! It’s interesting how even the subtlest clothing choices can signal things about our habits/origin/beliefs or mark us as “other.” I can often pick out European tourists in the U.S. by the brands they wear!
Yes, as an expat/immigrant, what signals us as other is a meaty topic over a weekend. For tourists, the brands too! Also that often tourist men wear baseball hats while they eat in restaurants. And many tourists are wearing clothes that are clearly brand new, seemingly purchased for the trip, and very white sneakers.
Thank you for expressing so clearly some worries and thoughts I have as well!
I want to be respectful and not stared at, yet I also don't want to be scared to offend without good reason.
When I was in Egypt in 2022, I found myself biking in shorts and T-shirt through a small village near Luxor. I was afraid locals would judge me or ignore me. But many women in hijab waved as enthusiastically to me as their kids—they saw a Western woman dressed very differently from them but that was apparently totally okay.
That’s really lovely, Claire. I think we often default to assuming that people with beliefs that are different from our own will either think we’re wrong for not holding their same beliefs or will want to impose their beliefs on us. But in reality that’s somewhat rare (at least in my experience).
What a complex and beautiful analysis. How amazing it is to discover the absolute sameness of our (apparent) opposites. Plus…you’re an impeccable writer. I’m so glad to be here!
🥹 Isabel, this is such a lovely comment! I am so glad you’re here, too!
That female guard acknowledging you made your day. It is a lesson to all of us to say something kind and supportive whenever we can, you don’t know who you are going to lift up a little. I too am fascinated with your life there in Amman, so exotic compared to my mid-Michigan existence!
So true! I used to be very guarded in my compliments, and I’m not even sure why? The older I get, the more I go around telling people they’re awesome and it feels good
Do keep us posted on royal ways and doings. The Jordanian royals are the only ones in the Middle East who've integrated into the social world of European royalty, by which I mean that they're invited to gatherings other than strictly diplomatic ones, ones at which the fantastically rich Gulf royals are never seen. The Hashemites operate at an interesting intersection that could be fruitful for your writing.
Will do! I’ve been thinking about doing a post on the royal family—I think they’re pretty exceptional statesmen that have managed to keep Jordan secure and stable despite being in a somewhat precarious political position. They don’t get enough credit for it.
They really don't, at least not in the West. My view is that contemporary Westerners have difficulty acknowledging that any kind of monarchical system can be effective or beneficial in any way.
What a great essay! I was looking forward to it all week and you didn't disappoint.
Your description of your clothes/look vs. those of the queen and the princess remind me of my ever-difficult challenge of where to find hijabi clothes that actually fit my style.
Middle Eastern fashion doesn't really suit me. It's either too loud or too formal or too colourful or too... something. I like neutral colours, not a lot of pattern, no chunky buttons, etc., which means I prefer to go shopping at any old store at the mall and hope they have my shirt dresses or wide legged pants, rather than buying my outdoor clothes at a "hijabi" store, where the clothes are generally not only hijabi in terms of what they cover but distinctly Middle Eastern in their style.
Of course, the average store at the mall will cause me all sorts of problems: I"ll find the perfect shirt-dress, but it'll have 3 quarter sleeves, or a wide front for cleavage. I'll find a skirt I love and then I'll see the slit all the way up to the thigh.
The only (sort of exception) to my hijabi clothing conundrum was Turkiye, where I bought 5 of the same long sleeved button down tunic to wear to the office and found a few other current wardrobe staples. Still, that took days of shopping because half of the other outfits were just too formal or shiny or whatever...
Before I say anything, I think its worth noting that I'm a man who has a different experience in terms of how I express myself. With that being said, I can understand both the Western view and the view of people in the Middle East as well. One of the reasons I'm attracted to cities such as London, Los Angeles or New York, is that when it comes to expression there is no pressure to conform to anything, people can where whatever they want (although there are some things that we do conform to such as not going outside naked).
With that being said it does feel like in recent years the conversation on self expression is not as narrow as it once was as different experiences across the world informs our view on the subject. Although the ugly stereotype of Muslim women in these countries being oppressed just because they wear a hijab or a niqab still seems to resurface from time to time. Hopefully we can be more understanding and respectful for people who have different ways of expressing themselves through their clothing.
I wish the young women in Iran had a choice about hijab. If I was a member of The Committee For Running The World, several things would change, all in the direction of personal choice and freedom.
"Coastal grandmother chic." Lol! I love it! And I love the moment of connection with the security guards. <3
Just love it!! Even your individual pieces feel like mini mental journeys of revelation.
I love your X-ray vision of people and events. You have an amazing ability to slice through and reveal the importance of the unexpected. “ The men and I exchanged curt nods. I expected the same as I approached the women—but then they broke into smiles. “All purple today,” one said. “I always love your outfits!”. It’s such special and revealing moments that I remember from my years in Riyadh in the 70’s.
When I was young and lived in Niamey I wore long flowy dresses and mostly covered my arms at work or when I was out in the market. At home I kept a stack of pareos by the door because I forgot once and opened to the gate wearing a tiny tank top and shorts to my sweet older jeweler who I worked with ( & he was called by the honorific, Hadji) and he was so uncomfortable it took me a minute to figure out what was wrong.
Italy is similar in many ways. There are quite strict "rules" about what is appropriate (even when you are walking the dog or taking out the trash) The term that is used is Bella Figura, which is sometimes translated as to make a good impression. I interpret it more as good manners (I am southern after all) it applies to both men and women and is not about modesty but about being pulled together in public. Like Lolly says it is immediately clear who is a tourist and who is Italian by how they are dressed.